At first glance, the two men across the coffee table from my co-worker and I could be business associates. But if you pause for just the moment it takes to detect their bond, you know without doubt that these two are brothers. In this case, not blood brothers, but matched through the Big Brothers’ mentoring organization. That distinction, however, is irrelevant to Tom and Doug.
Tom Blaney was matched with his then-little brother Doug 30 years ago, when Tom was 25 and Doug was just 12. Unlike many Big Brothers matches, Tom and Doug have remained in touch since the day they met.
“When I made the decision to become a Big Brother, I wanted to commit heart and soul,” explains Tom. “Brothers aren’t just around for a few years. Brothers are for life.”
Their friendship started out like all Big Brothers matches. They went to Doug’s soccer games, movies, ate ice cream and hung out. Tom was a newly married father and starting in his family business. He had thought long and hard about being a Big Brother because “if I committed, I wanted to ensure I could participate totally and completely.” Already a big brother to his own brothers, Howie and David, he felt up for the challenge.
“I have three brothers,” Tom tells me. “Two by birth and one by choice.”
Doug smiles as the pair recalls the first time Tom pointed to a satelite and explained what it was and how it worked. Tom laughs about the time then-teenaged Doug bought a bottle of cologne and a cowboy hat. From there, my co-worker and I seem to disappear as the two brothers immerse themselves in old photographs and memories. Roars of laughter and incessant “remember the time when” fill the next 20 minutes. My co-worker and I exchange quick smiles. Moments like these illustrate why we have chosen to work for Big Brothers.
Pausing to relate stories from various pictures, Tom tells me his wife Tina pulled the snapshots from the Blaney family photo albums.
“My relationship with Doug became a part of my evolving life. It just fit,” Tom explains. “As Doug was growing, so was my family. And since he was part of my family, it all worked out.”
They spent Christmases together and enjoyed summer barbeques. Tom pulls photos with groups of his children and Doug together. Pointing to a snapshot of Tom’s oldest child, Rebecca, I ask if she or the others (Tom and Tina have six children of their own) ever questioned Doug’s presence. Tom answers with an unequivocal “no.”
“We have shared the past 30 years together,” Tom explains. “ I have been a part of Doug graduating from high school, dating, marriage, the birth of his three children, work, and career. We have stayed together as family would through the good times and the tough times.”
Now a successful project manager for a construction company, Doug is a quiet, polite man who clearly still looks up to his Big Brother. In fact, it was Doug who suggested he and Tom reconnect with Big Brothers of Greater Vancouver after hearing a radio ad for The Scotiabank Bowl for Big Brothers Classic. Tom and Doug attended the event, making a generous donation to the campaign.
Tom explains that he wanted to be an inspiration for current Big Brothers by showing the longevity of Big Brothers’ friendships. He and Doug also wanted to make a financial contribution to support the organization and encourage more friendships like theirs to be created.
And now here we are, two Big Brothers’ staff interviewing a pair of men who were matched the year I was born! We are honoured to witness their abiding commitment to each other.
As Tom leaves the room in search of more photos, Doug opens up a bit more about his special Big Brother.
“To have the chance to be part of his life, I’ve learned how to be a better father and person,” Doug explains. “I’ve set my own bar higher. Tom has influenced every aspect of my life.”
Doug’s words are few but they are clear and meaningful. He tells us about the comfort of having a friend in the good times and a sounding board in the challenging times. He is unable to answer my question about where he would have been without Tom but is certain he has “definitely gone a lot further.”
As Tom returns and catches the tail end of Doug’s comments, he adds his own two cents.
"I’m so proud of Doug for the man he’s become, the father, brother, son. He lives for his family.”
As we wrap up the interview and prepare to leave, Tom and Doug make plans for their next meeting. Pondering family, brothers, and commitment, these men make it look so simple: brothers are for life.
